i don’t want to hear talk to you husband instead of us. I need a fresh perspective and some ideas to bring to the discussion table.
i do admit i am horrible with money. i can’t budget- i spend liek wanter and would run us into debt if i was 100% responsible. my hubby works/ i don’t and refused to put me in a jopint account – we fought -i won i got a bank card. then we agreed i would check with him with purchases. I bought new clothes i really didn’t need and because i snuck it and got caught breaking ou agreement i lost the card. I have to shop with cash now. he does give whatever i want/need – but just the idea of having no access to money drives me insane / makes me feel like a child. i have tried to control the spending but i always fail at my attempt and do buy a lot of sale items – but they add up big time. ANy solutions- or common problems. He doesn’t trust me with money and we do have a small budget but his solution feels extreme.
i admit he is great with money/debt free
you are acting like a child. so its good he is smart enough to treat you like one.
If you want to turn over a new leaf, ask him to trust you with some small things, and then prove to him you can be trusted. eventually you can demonstrate the maturity to handle money again. Right now, by your own account, you shouldn’t have anything more than a little walking around money
He is doing the right thing and if you want your own money – work.
If you feel like a child, it’s because you’re acting like one. You need counseling because wether or not you see it, you have a HUGE problem. Is this shopping ADDICTION worth losing your marraige over? Seriously, it’s time to start acting like an adult.
#1 – Get a job of your own or shut up.
#2 – Learn how to spell.
you behave like a child , you get treated like a child. he works hard for his money and you shouldn’t be running him into the ground. u don’t know how lucky you are. you need to appreciate him more! i suggest you get your own job, make your own money, and have your own checking account. and he should not have you on his checking account , credit cards , or anything.
Are you a child? Jesus, how does he put up with you? Talk about absolutely no self control. It’s really not a disease. Take resonsibility for your actions.
i agree with him. i was in the same situation (almost) i do work. and i can stop myself… but when i have access to the money i spend it. i’m horrible. anyway i got all upset b/c he didnt trust me and the fights started and went downhill from there. we agreed amicably on a divorce today. don’t let that happen to you. just be grateful that you have a husband who loves you and cares enough to let you have money but at the same time is careful and protective of you financial future together.
You act like a child. What do you expect. Your husband is smart, you would scare the heck out of me…..:
Get a job, make your own money and get your own bank account. Grow up….
You are waving the victim flag around on this board instead of doing somthing productive….No one cares.
Good luck.
This sounds exactly like my issues. I sneak and buy things that I don’t need and I try to justify it by saying its ok because I bought it on sale. I understand where you are coming from. This is not something that I have learned to overcome yet. Feel free to e-mail me @ blueye_32257@yahoo.com Maybe we can talk about it. I think I may be a shopping addict.
Maybe you should show him that you can save, and that you are responsible, that may earn back your trust.
You should really ask him about puschases, I’m sure all he wants to do is teach you the value of money that he works hard for.
Coming from an opposite experience where the husband is LOUSY with budgets and spending, I think you are lucky. Just get a cash allowance every week so you dont feel so helpless, but if you are living in America, your credit is EVERYTHING (sad but true) and if he’s keeping it in mint condition, be happy. Being in debt is the worst mental torture ever.
If he is good with the money and you are not then you should accept the situation. It seems he is trying really hard to keep you out of debt. Tell him you need a small amount of money for yourself every week, then show him how you can save most of this money for something you really want.
I had the same thing happen with my now EX-WIFE. I put that in all caps for a reason, we went through the same thing, she had the same argument that I made her fell like a child by putting her on an allowance. She then resorted to lying to me about certain bills that needed to be paid or taking bill money to go shopping with. So be careful unless you are will to admit you have a problem and seek counciling about you money problems then you may end up being his EX-WIFE.
I feel that your spending is an outside sign of an emotional issue. For the most part, people who can’t hold on to money has an emotional wound/need. The spending is just a mere consequence of an emotional need. You need to figure out why you spend, what emotional wound gets a temporary fix with all the spending. That is the first step to emotional healing and help with your spending. You need to be accountable to your husband and how he needs to handle your money until you get that healing.
My suggestion would be that you both open a new joint checking account with a debit card (separate from the primary accoun that your husband uses to pay bills. You two can sit down together and determine how much money you need on a weekly/monthly basis for clothes/food/misc. expenses, etc. Based on this mutually agreed upon budget, everytime he gets paid, he can deposit the agreed upon amount into your joint account and you can have access to it by using the debit card or withdrawing the cash. The safety net is that if you go over budget, your debit card will not work, and you will have to budget your money until you can afford it. I would also recommend opening a credit card with a low avaialble balance, such as $500 or $1,000 and you can use that for emergencies, but you need to use your own money to pay it off, etc. good luck.
well, you are honest about your shortcomings with money. Since you are not financially contributing to the marriage and are not responsible with money, he is doing what is best for both of you at this time. Might even save your marriage! I agree with KidJacque, if you want spending money, get a part time job.
With everything you just said, he is well within his rights not to give you the credit card or put you on his account until you go through financial counseling…if he is working hard the least you could do is budget and try to make sound decisions with the money that will benefit the family in the end. Look at it like this my fam motto is work hard now, play hard later or play hard now pay hard later. Do you want to struggle when you get old? I don’t think so, you want to be able to live comfortably without having to rob from Peter to pay Paul when you get old. Start writing down what you need to pay out for bills and groceries then set a goal and put some money aside for savings. You guys need to come up with a plan and you have to stick to it. If you want your marriage to work I suggest you use better judgment when it comes to money….a hard working man doesn’t want a woman who can control her spending….you could always get a job and spend what you make, then you wouldn’t have to worry about touching his money…good luck
I have a friend with this problem. It is sort-of like an addiction.
Try setting a period of time not to shop. For example, say, "I will not buy anything (other than food, gas, and medicine) for two weeks." Then at the end of two weeks you can reward yourself with one nice purchase (reasonable). Or if you are feeling good about it, extend another two weeks and buy something nicer.
For me, this strategy has helped me:
Watch my weight as well as to stop spending money as much
well, how do you think he feels that he has to make sure the bills get paid and you are doing nothing but thinking of yourself. god forbid anything should happen to your husband, how would things get paid, and if anything should happen to him i pretty sure he would want you to take care of what he has built for the two of you. you should kiss the ground this husband of yours walk on for putting up with your selfishness. most men today want a woman to have their back – ask yourself do you have his. good luck to your husband
Well my opinion is as follows:
I believe he did the right thing by taking your card away. See he gave u an opportunity to show him how responsible you could be with a bank card and you failed him. You went out and spend a little too much. Now I’m not saying bad bad bad, I like to have nice things too, but as his wife you have to make sure that you can afford the items that you buy. And like you said if you dont need anything why would you buy them. I think shopping is more of an addiction, habit for you. Now in order to gain his trust back with the whole spending issue is to show him that you will not SPEND money if you dont have to. You said he gives u cash, so now what you have to do is RESIST buying things you DO NOT NEED and start saving that money. Soon he will see that you are handling the money in a responsible way and hopefully trust you again with the bank card. Now if you cant do this, then you have an addiction problem to SHOPPING! But hopefully you can and you can show him that you can be trusted.
God Bless!
Your problem is your spoiled . You feel like child because your acting like one .
I’m sorry to tell you this but you are acting like a child, you’re husband doesn’t trust you because you have let him down before, i think you should get professional help
If your married the money belongs to both of you but on the other hand what did you really expect him to do?
I understand that you feel like a child because you have to ask him for money.
But you have to understand bills need to be paid first and if your spending all the money then they don’t get pain and you end up losing everything you have.
You need some sort of budget counseling and self control.
I agree with what HE is doing! If you are not good with money and u spend it like its nothing, then u deserve to have no access to it. You may feel like a child, however, you are being irresponsible! It’s pretty damn sad that your husband has to restrict your use of funds and monitor your shopping. You may want to seek professional help i.e. AA for shoppers. Perhaps if you got a job and learned how difficult it can be to earn enough money to pay the bills, your spending habits would be different. Perhaps it would even teach u some responsibility. Your lucky doesn’t have my view point: I’d tell u to get off your butt and get a job! I can say that…I am a housewife, who’s hubby trusts me with all accounts and credit cards….This may sound harsh….but u need to hear it….!
start charging him for sex…that could be your allowance.
other than that…..im on his side…..my wife says she is going to save me into the poor house. Sale is a four letter word. Honestly…you have enough clothes..you have enough shoes..you have enough purses
if you arent working or home raising kids….you need to find something to do with your day to keep from spending money. Get a job…volunteer somewhere…go to the gym
you should feel like you are being treated like a child…you are acting like one.
sounds to me like you are picking his bones like a vulture.GET A JOB.
If you feel like a child then it’s because you know you have been acting very selfish and inconsiderated….He needs you to be his partner not his child….It sounds like he’s managing and supporrting you like a parent does for his child….You both need to be finding ways together into growing and building a family together….Instead, it seems like your just bringing him down everytime he tries to get ahead for the both of you….You really need to decide what it is you want before you decide what it is your going to do….It’s seems like your husband really loves you because if not he probably would have left you by now…..So if I was you, I would try getting a job and becoming co-independent so you can help him reach your family goals together…..Best wishes***